Confidence

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Confidence. It’s difficult sometimes. The week my group ended I was in a fabulous mood and full of confidence. And what’s really great is that the confidence is sticking around most of the time.

Today, however, I let doubt creep in and take over for awhile. I’m trying to push it away, but I’m struggling. The negative cognitions are pushing against the positive ones that I am trying to remember. I have to keep reading the positive ones and I’m just feeling a bit off. And I don’t like that.

I won’t let the negative things win, but tonight I just feel tired. Tired of the effort it takes to combat the negative sometimes. Tired of the ups and downs of my inner dialogue.

What I know for sure is that I have to get back to my individual therapy now that my disclosure group is finished. I missed an appointment and I never rescheduled. And now that a few weeks have gone by I can tell I still have some big hills to climb. I need the support. I need the focus on me that my individual therapy brings alive. There are other groups that I’d like to complete, but it will take some time to get into those groups. This in-between groups time makes the challenges still within me very clear.

I’m not a quitter, but tonight I kind of feel sick to my stomach. I worked out in hopes that would make it go away. It didn’t. I took a nap in hopes that it wouldn’t be there when I woke up. It was. Now I don’t know what else to do and that makes me feel crazy. I can’t just focus on one task and get it done, I’m all over the place. I hate that feeling. I even had my favorite pizza hoping THAT would make me feel better. It didn’t.

Confidence. Send some my way.

KK

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