Well, I’m going back for more. More support. More information. More learning. More validation.
More group therapy.
I wasn’t going to do it. And then this week happened. It’s the worst week I can remember having in a very long time. (No, I do not want to talk about it so don’t ask.) And just as it is about over, I realized I have ignored some very large moments in the past week or two that I needed to give more attention.
The first was running into a member of my last group. It was really great to see her and talk about how we are each doing. It was extra great that it was specifically her because she struggled a lot and I have hated not getting to know if she’s ok. She is. And that’s awesome. I ran into her at the end of last week and it was great, but I brushed it off as just a strange coincidence.
I know that is not the case now.
Just when this week became what I thought was a total loss, I got a voicemail from the facilitator of my last group. She wanted to offer me a spot in a new group starting next week. I brushed off the phone call and waited for the voicemail, which I listened to and then also brushed off.
But this afternoon I had a trigger moment happen that took my breath away and really knocked me down for awhile. And now all I can think about is the fact that neither of those two things–running into the group member and getting the phone call–was a coincidence at all.
They were moments I desperately needed.
Moments where my intuition was trying to say “how are you doing because you look like you need some support.”
And that’s true. I do.
So since it was a crap day and I couldn’t make the return call without being a mess of tears, I emailed the facilitator to say please put me in the group if the spot is still open. I sure hope it is still open for me. And I’m hoping some of my former group members will be in it too. Reconnecting would be really nice.
It’s important to really listen to yourself. And I do that fairly well most of the time. But I need to stop being lazy about it. It’s easy to ignore my own stuff right now because things have been going really well for me. That’s awesome and I’m glad to be where I’m at right now.
But I can’t forget about taking care of me. Not ever again.
So I’m going back. For me.