a little less hiding a little more me

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I danced.  And I got contacts.

These seem like insignificant things to many people.  But certainly not to me.

The last time I danced freely I don’t have any memory of it because I drank too much.  This time, I remember how it felt to dance.  I still had been drinking, but I was not out of control and I remember all things that happened that night.  I had a great time.  And dancing felt really, really good.  It felt like a little more of me fell into place and that is so cool.  I want to do it again soon.

For me, glasses are fashion.  Just about the only fashion I care about most days.  I love all my glasses and I always have a lot of them.  But a part of me uses those glasses for safety.  To hide behind them because without them, I kind of feel exposed and naked.  That’s weird, but it is totally true and absolutely how I feel.  I used to wear contacts and this week I decided it was time to try them again.  And it has only been two days, but I feel pretty comfortable so far.  Exposed, yes, but ok with the risk.  Confident even.  Well, confident might be going too far.  But I think I’ll get there.

These things feel like big steps to me and I’m proud of them.  I continue to make progress in discovering me and I really love that.  I’ll still wear glasses at times.  Sometimes that will be cuz I’m too lazy for the contacts and sometimes that will be because I just like the way I look in many of my glasses.  And possibly I will wear glasses at times I don’t feel confident and want a bit of protection between my eyes and the world looking at my eyes.  I like to look at people when I’m talking to them, but having them look back at me when I’m feeling vulnerable (or avoiding feeling vulnerable) is less comfortable for me for sure.

I’m feeling pretty good lately, but I will stay the course because I still have some hurdles in the way of rediscovering the full me.

I’m going to keep going toward being me.  So you should do the same.

Be you.

KK

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