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Another March 25

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Sit with it. 

That’s a phrase I hear a lot in therapy, whether it is my individual therapist or in group.  And the internal dialogue I hear is never as loud as when I sit with it.  It’s uncomfortable at the very least and absolutely horrible on my worst days. 

Tonight, I sit with it.  Waiting to fall asleep knowing that tomorrow I will wake up to another March 25.  When the day will go by and I will know as evening comes that I will start to remember the time I left my dorm.  The time I arrived at a friend’s house to hang out.  The time I walked back to my dorm alone, crying and throwing up.  The time 22 years ago that “friends” assaulted me while others watched. 

The moments that the hospital failed to help me feel believed and safe.  The questions asked without hesitation at the police station about what did. And the weeks of media and campus torment as I went through a trial where the only person questioned for hours was me. 

It’s different this year.  I am not having many physical symptoms and that’s nice.  I have completed group therapy and embraced my right to feel empowered by that process.  I disclosed the details necessary for me to heal in a room full of women who absolutely understood every feeling I have felt. 

I have overcome. 

It’s been 22 years.  I will not ever forget some things.  I will fight through the moments in my life when shame starts to try and creep back in and take over my days.  That shame is no longer my burden.  That shame never was mine to own. 

You, both of you and those who stood by and did nothing, you own the shame.  You own the guilt.  YOU, not me.  

I will celebrate my healing instead of reliving your crimes on this and every future March 25.  Because you do not win. 

I will absolutely not let you.  

I have overcome.  I have forgiven, not for you but for me.  I have embraced full healing.  That feels awesome. 

And you cannot ever hurt me again. 

KK

“What were you wearing…”

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I avoided this when I saw it on twitter because I didn’t want to read things that would make me angry. But it IS so important to stress that what someone is wearing is NEVER an invitation to rape.
KK

Rape Culture

By: Devin Casey

In March Buzzfeed posted an extremely powerful article that compiled a series of tweets regarding the clothes worn by victims when they were sexually assaulted. It began when Twitter user @steenfox prompted followers to answer the question “what were you wearing when you were sexually assaulted?”

An overwhelming number of responses were posted and the Tweets were extremely diverse. Some were children, teenagers, or college students when it occurred. Some were dressed for school, work, or bed. There were some responses that indicated second, third, and fourth assaults. Many of the women’s stories reflected sexual assaults committed by someone the victim knew, which RAINN indicates is common to 73% of sexual assaults.

Many of the women describe how it took them years to call what had happened to them rape and realize it was not their fault. Some had internalized the stigma that, “maybe if I was…

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Mindfulness – simple, yet powerful and totally not what you think!

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What a great post! Sometimes I roll my eyes when my therapist says “mindfulness” because I do connect it to meditation and guided imagery which I am not really comfortable doing. This gives me a better feeling of what it means. I’ll try it!

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Many people think mindfulness is some new age thing which goes hand in hand with meditation.  Viewed this way, many are turned off by the idea and toss it aside as something not worth entertaining.  I use to think the same thing, until recently.  The picture of me above is an example of practicing mindfulness.

So what is mindfulness exactly?  Well, it is a fancy way of saying, pay attention to what you are doing!

Living in such a fast-paced world, constantly on the go with our overly busy schedules, we often do not take the time to really pay attention to what we are doing.  We think we are the gurus of multitasking.  Texting, eating a sandwich, and driving our car all at the same time.  Talking on the phone while walking our dog in the park. Shopping, yelling at the kids, all while trying to schedule a doctor appointment…

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